
I walk into the bar clad in jeans and a black shirt. I sit down and grimace to the sight of a young boy, wearing a red hunting hat, drinking alone; he was sitting right next to me, and suddenly I began a conversation.
“Hey, I’m Matthew.” I said in an affable manner.
“Hi, my name is Holden Caulfield.” He said in a drunken way.
“So what school do you got to?”I asked “, Seems like you are already out in vacation.”
“I used to go to Pencey Prep.”
“Oh so you graduated from Pencey Prep?”
“No, they gave me the “ax” once again.” Judging by the way he said, “once again” I think this hasn’t been the first school he has been kicked out of. Then out of stupidity I asked him why they expelled him from Pencey Prep. This was the worst error of my life, because he suddenly began an interminable tirade of how every in that schools were morons (and he was the one who was kicked out), and how he thought almost every man in the bar were flits.
Holden spontaneously changed the subject leaving me confused on what he actually meant. He kept talking really loud, at the point of shouting, and when you pointed that out to him he would deny it. It was like if he didn’t even notice himself yelling. This was beginning to rankle me, but I kept a serene disposition.
“Hey do you think those guys over there are flits?” he asked
Holden spontaneously changed the subject leaving me confused on what he actually meant. He kept talking really loud, at the point of shouting, and when you pointed that out to him he would deny it. It was like if he didn’t even notice himself yelling. This was beginning to rankle me, but I kept a serene disposition.
“Hey do you think those guys over there are flits?” he asked
“How am I supposed to know” I said “, hey I have an idea! Why don’t you go ask them!?” yeah it was pretty slovenly and obnoxious, but I got tired of him. Then I noticed that he had begun to abhor me, and suddenly turned his hunting hat a bit and began to demean me. I endeavored to keep my anger from coming out and I warned Holden to calm down. Then I got pissed, got up, and left the bar leaving him with the unfortunate bartender who has to talk to him.
Please CHANGE THE TITLE because "Encounter with Holden" is NOt a title...I liked your story but it was too short. SHOW not TEll remember Matthew what they taught us in third grade. haha Just Kidding. Anyways I loved your story but please keep in mind the suggestions I gave you because with the suggestions in your mind. Your blog and post would be much much much better. SO please I reapeat PLEASE keep those in mind xoxo Mehr
ResponderEliminarIm sowwwrry if my postywosty offwended someone:) haha
ResponderEliminarBahahahahahhaha
ResponderEliminarOk ill keep that in mind for my next post, yeah I also noticed that it was kind of short, so as always I will listen to you Mehr. :) I liked your post very much and now I will go comment on it
ResponderEliminarmeh Mehr took over my keyboard half way through the commenting xD
ResponderEliminarnice story matt
ResponderEliminarbtw (no offense) u are like him in the bus:P
Maan, is it a cliche for Holden to be friggin drunk in every encounter or what?
ResponderEliminarDAHAHAHA
ResponderEliminareheem Nick thats cuz he always drinks
ResponderEliminarHAHAHAHA i agree
ResponderEliminarThe story was good, short and sweet. The things Holden says goes along with the actual book nicely. However, you did miss a lot of commas, like after "suddenly", "then", and stupidity". Also, commas should go before the quotaion marks at the end of a dialogue.
ResponderEliminar“So what school do you got to?”I asked “, Seems like you are already out in vacation.”
ResponderEliminarWork on the commas